realities of motherhood

I love this! 9 realities of motherhood we can all bond over. 

a whole lot of truth here! xo

 

1. Sleep

Whoa, what’s that? The last time you had a good night sleep was nine months before you had your first baby. Remember that one time you slept for eight hours straight? You woke up, got a snack, caught your favorite Soap, and went right back to sleep. It was crazy. I guess things haven’t changed that much. You’ll get your eight hours of sleep…over the course of a week along with new interruptions – for milk, a snack, a diaper change, and a toothbrush that got tossed down the vent.

2. A Clean House

If I was hard enough to clean the house before you had kids, but now? Forget it. You have a better chance of getting pregnant and having a baby on a leap day of a leap year…and that’s about as often as your house gets cleaned.

3. A Good Poop

Can a mama just get five minutes to drop a deuce? Is that too much to ask? Privacy please? Please shut the door. Please remove your fingers from underneath the door. Please stop talking through the door. It’s the one time in your life where you’ll wish for a padded cell, so you could poop in peace.

4. A Good Pee

Before you had kids, you had to stop and pee at least twice during a three-hour road trip, and you could. Now? You’re a camel. Is there a word stronger than “impressive” that describes how long you can hold it? You dare not stop and risk waking the child in the car seat, and if you have two minutes to yourself that big chocolate chip cookie gets first dibs.

5. A Hot Meal

Before kids, you could eat a hot meal, a cold meal, and an “any temp in between meal.” Now? There’s only one temperature. Cold. Don’t even bother warming it up. If you do you’ll get distracted by some sort of toddler catastrophe that will last as long as it takes for your food to get cold again.  Save yourself some time and just chow down on an ice cube.

6. A Bikini Body

Not that I ever had one but if I did, it would be long gone by now. I barely have enough time to search for a matching set of socks let alone squeeze in a workout that will bring back those boobs. Okay, in all fairness, I do have a bikini body; you just wouldn’t want to see it on a beach or in daylight.

7. A Bath

There’s a reason why all moms covet all things bubbles, bath salts, and bathtubs. We just don’t get to spend enough time with them. Before kids, we could take two baths a day…just because. “Fresh” was my middle name. Now, I smell like my shirt. I’m just glad the spit-up and dried snot keep people from getting close enough to realize I haven’t had a bath since the last full moon.  

8. Free Time

Seriously, what is free time? Before having kids it was a trip, a manicure, and a workout. Now, I’d settle for any of the eight things above.

9. Adult Conversation

Has anyone else noticed the complete lack of ability to converse like an adult when baby enters the scene? It’s like, a little piece of our brain died when we gave birth. At first it’s just a little cooing and baby talk, but then it turns into Daniel Tiger, Doc McStuffins, and Sesame Street banter. Then, you start answering questions in song, talking in third person like Elmo, and searching for your big girl words at the grocery store checkout. Eventually, things get so bad, that you don’t even respond to your name (your real name) anymore.

Ma’am? I’m sorry. You can’t pay with play money