do's and don'ts of visiting friends and family after they have a baby
Like most people on the planet, I get super excited when I know a friend or family member is in labour. Or potentially could go into labour at any second, counting down the minutes until you get the call. Babies are exciting, and everyone wants to celebrate the new arrival. I've also been on the other end, "patiently" waiting for said baby to come out and how overwhelming being a new mom can be, especially while trying to accommodate visitors.
So here's a little reminder of some do's and don'ts for visiting after a baby.
Of course these are only suggestions, you know your situation best!
So here's a little reminder of some do's and don'ts for visiting after a baby.
Of course these are only suggestions, you know your situation best!
Wait for an Invitation: let mom + dad know in the weeks before the birth that you would love to help. Then that's it, wait for the call. Once baby has arrived a facebook message or text is an appropriate way to reach out, mom + dad can get back to you when they are able. Don't expect a quick response and don't be hurt if you don't get one at all.
New parents can be overwhelmed and exhausted!
When you do get the invite, stick to it: when you are given a date and time, be there. Don't make them wait and risk waking a sleeping baby or taking extra time that the new mom could be using for rest. When you do arrive, send a text or knock gently, avoid banging on the door or ringing the doorbell.
Before you go over, be clean and prepared: no sniffles, no diarrhea the night before, no cigarette smoke on your clothes or hair. Call or email to see if there is anything you can pick up at the store on the way over. Offer to bring food, food gifts are amazing to new parents but check to see what they have already received.. 25 lasagnas is a bit much. Also take it in a disposable dish or one you are gifting to them- new parents don't have time (or desire) to wash and return your dishes. And if you are cooking them a meal in their home. DO the dishes!
When you get there, do something: other than manhandling their new baby. Wash dishes, wipe down the bathroom, fold laundry, empty and take out the garbage. If you need to pack your own cleaning stuff discreetly (norwex cloths in a ziploc in your purse kind of discreet) when you go to use the bathroom, give it a cleaning on the down low. No need to announce it or ask first- parents will likely say no even if they really want you to!
Be calm, quiet and patient: Of course you want to scoop up that delicious new baby and inhale that glorious scent but here's some bad news- you may not get to hold the baby on your first or second visit. New moms often don't want to let anyone hold their new baby or the baby simply won't tolerate it. Both are ok and natural. Go with the intention of supporting mom + dad only, if you are a good guest you will get plenty of other opportunities.
If mom wants to tell you her birth story, listen: offer to write it down for her, But don't pry, if she's still processing but not ready to share leave it. Also don't offer up your own story unless she asks.
Don't bring young kids: you can't expect them to be quiet and keep to themselves, wait until the baby is older and everyone is settled in. It will be worth the wait!
Don't give advice unless asked: so important! When you do give advice tread lightly.
New parents can be overwhelmed and exhausted!
When you do get the invite, stick to it: when you are given a date and time, be there. Don't make them wait and risk waking a sleeping baby or taking extra time that the new mom could be using for rest. When you do arrive, send a text or knock gently, avoid banging on the door or ringing the doorbell.
Before you go over, be clean and prepared: no sniffles, no diarrhea the night before, no cigarette smoke on your clothes or hair. Call or email to see if there is anything you can pick up at the store on the way over. Offer to bring food, food gifts are amazing to new parents but check to see what they have already received.. 25 lasagnas is a bit much. Also take it in a disposable dish or one you are gifting to them- new parents don't have time (or desire) to wash and return your dishes. And if you are cooking them a meal in their home. DO the dishes!
When you get there, do something: other than manhandling their new baby. Wash dishes, wipe down the bathroom, fold laundry, empty and take out the garbage. If you need to pack your own cleaning stuff discreetly (norwex cloths in a ziploc in your purse kind of discreet) when you go to use the bathroom, give it a cleaning on the down low. No need to announce it or ask first- parents will likely say no even if they really want you to!
Be calm, quiet and patient: Of course you want to scoop up that delicious new baby and inhale that glorious scent but here's some bad news- you may not get to hold the baby on your first or second visit. New moms often don't want to let anyone hold their new baby or the baby simply won't tolerate it. Both are ok and natural. Go with the intention of supporting mom + dad only, if you are a good guest you will get plenty of other opportunities.
If mom wants to tell you her birth story, listen: offer to write it down for her, But don't pry, if she's still processing but not ready to share leave it. Also don't offer up your own story unless she asks.
Don't bring young kids: you can't expect them to be quiet and keep to themselves, wait until the baby is older and everyone is settled in. It will be worth the wait!
Don't give advice unless asked: so important! When you do give advice tread lightly.
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